The Breakup: Part Deux

Eventually, Ali and I started speaking again and we discussed our plans for prom.  He told me that his date attended high school in the next town over.  I shared with him that I was considering going solo, but that I was also entertaining the idea of taking Jesse.  Jesse was a junior and a nice guy, so I thought he would be a good fit.  Ali agreed, and suggested that I ask Jesse to the prom.  By the end of the week, I purchased our prom bids and began looking for a dress.

The day of my senior prom was hectic and fun.  The class of 2000 came to school dressed in their worse as we waited impatiently to be released from school at noon to prepare to look our best.  Cars fled the parking lot in various directions leading to salons and barber shops in preparation for the biggest night of our high school career.  I remember the stylist taking an extremely long time to finish my hair, and therefore I was running behind schedule.  Needless to say, by the time I arrived home to get ready I was aggravated and my mom wasn’t making it any better by taking this moment to live vicariously through me.

My mother did my make up as her friend watched, constantly saying how beautiful I looked.  My black dress slightly hugged my curves, complimented by a plunging back and accented with a string of diamonds rhinestones.  Jesse arrived, and we took pictures outside of my house before my family piled in my mother’s car to follow us to the showcase*.  Being at the showcase instantly made me feel like a star.  People were snapping pictures everywhere I turned.  A red carpet was rolled out for my classmates and I.  I enjoyed every moment of it.  Jesse and I made our way through the crowd, speaking to my friends and their parents.  Eventually, Ali’s sister and niece found me.  We hugged, and chatted for a bit after taking pictures.  The words “Oh, there’s Ali” left his sister’s mouth.  I followed her gaze, and Ali was standing there taking pictures with my friend Anna.

I stared in disbelief.  Rage began to suffocate me as I stood frozen.  My world became silent as I tried to process what I was witnessing.  Kelis summed up my feelings perfectly.

“Does she have children?  She has bad titties.”  My mother’s voice brought me back to consciousness, as I turned to look at her and replied “No”.  My survival instincts went into high gear.  I could sense that everyone around me was waiting for a reaction.  I refused to give them one.  I wasn’t going to let Ali and Anna ruin this special day.  Silently, I repeated to myself “Never let them see you cry” as I continued to mix and mingle at the showcase while I suffered from a broken heart.

As the night progressed, I had a wonderful time at my prom.  Afterward, some of my friends and I drove into NYC and had breakfast at a diner, maximizing our late curfew.  Although I wasn’t staying the weekend in Wildwood like most of my classmates, a couple of my friends in the same situation decided to drive down for the day.  We met up with some of our peers who practically occupied rooms in an entire hotel.  As we stood in the courtyard deciding our next move, and reliving the previous night, Anna and Ali were mentioned.  Several times. 

“Yo, they’ve been fucking all day.”

“I heard Anna was doing some freaky shit to him.”

“They haven’t been out of the room.  I haven’t seen  them.”

I remained stoic as rumors of Anna and Ali violently danced around my ears*.  I said absolutely nothing.  What could I say?  He was no longer my boyfriend.  Though it hurt like hell, I still refused to put on a scene for everyone’s viewing pleasure.  I was ready to leave, but I tried my best to enjoy the rest of my prom weekend. 

Something changed inside me on my prom day.  More than ten years later, I still find it difficult to put into words.  The hurt and betrayal I felt, combined with my determination not to show my pain enabled me to separate facts from emotion.  The fact was that Ali was no longer my boyfriend and he was free to do whatever he pleased.  Emotionally, it hurt to be lied to and to hear of his relationship with Anna from my peers.  In order to keep my cool, I reminded myself of the facts.  Right and wrong was subjective.  There was nothing I could do about it and I had to keep it moving.

And so I did.

*The showcase was a tradition that took place each year.  It was pretty much a fashion show before the prom.  Family and friends gathered around to take pictures and see you off to the prom.  This was mostly popular among the black students, although some of the white folks joined in on the festivities.

*The story doesn’t end there folks.  Shortly after, Anna found out she was pregnant.  Though she is adamant that her son is a result of relations between her and her boyfriend, rumor has it that the child is Ali’s.