“I missed you.”
I heard these three words leave his lips and regret boiled over inside me. When he asked if he could stop by my apartment to say “hi” and borrow my Troy DVD, I complied. It was a little after 9pm and all I wanted to do was watch “Game of Thrones” in peace, while mentally preparing for the work week. My plans were foiled when I received his text message and against my better judgement (and in a strong effort not to be mean), I said yes.
As I processed his words I could feel my body tensing, an instant betrayal of my inner thoughts. With his arm around me, I wondered if he could feel my shoulders tighten as I pretended to be engrossed in the show. I needed a moment. I needed a Twix. Hell, I needed him to leave. I willed myself to relax as I thought of an appropriate reply. If I replied that I missed him as well, that would be a unecessary lie. Saying “Thank you”, would reek of asshole. So I said the next best thing I could think of: “No you didn’t.”
I know it’s not “right” to tell someone how they feel and I’m not proud of it. Of course, I was called mean because I didn’t say that I missed him as well. I explained that I wasn’t trying to be mean, but we’ve only hung out once so I didn’t understand how he could miss me. And I still don’t. I asked him how can he miss me when he doesn’t know me well, and he replied with a shrug. He chose to harp on the fact that I didn’t miss him, while I tried my best to let him know why it wasn’t possible. I feel that in order to miss someone, you have to know them. A connection is present. A bond. Special memories. Love. None of those things are present between this man and I.
At least from my perspective.
By saying “I miss you” so soon, he was doing too much. For me missing someone is a desire that is developed over time and when a man says it soon after I meet him, it freaks me out. Alarms go off in my head accompanied by flashing red lights that say “STAGE 10 CLINGER. ABORT MISSION”. I instantly think he is trying to hurry into a relationship (among other things), and I dislike being rushed and bombarded with premature affection. I enjoy the process of getting to know someone and that “ah ha” moment when you realize that you miss or love them. I don’t appreciate when that is taken from me with hasty words of adoration. The process is no longer organic because I wonder if he is saying what he thinks I want to hear.
Needless to say, the remaining fifteen minutes we were together was pretty awkward. Things didn’t get any better as I told him I was preparing for bed and he asked if I was kicking him out. I fought the desire to be sarcastic and answer “Yes”, because it also became clear that he doesn’t understand my sense of humor. Again, I had to explain myself. I wasn’t kicking him out, but I was tired and ready for bed. Furthermore, I needed him out of my space. Between the “I miss you” and us sitting so close to one another, it was too much for me. I wasn’t ready to be thrown into some pseudo relationship. I just wanted to watch Game of Thrones.
Most women would probably love to hear a man say that he misses him. To be honest, I do too…just under different circumstances. I laid in bed last night, wondering if something is in fact “wrong” with me. My thoughts ranged from “Will I ever find somebody who gets me?” to “I wonder if this how men feel when women jump the gun.” The interaction left me slightly disappointed and wondering (without much optimism) when will I again feel strongly enough about a man to miss him.
Exposed Bricks 
Trust me when I tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. He needs to put on the brakes. Seriously…I feel your pain on this one.
Thanks Red…I was like “Am I bugging or what?”
You are so not alone, though you are a lot more optimistic/kind than me. I hear the “I miss you” before he knows me and I don’t assume he’s pushing for a relationship, simply pushing to get into my draws. Men know what we like to hear and use that to form the faux intimacy that makes us wanna slip our panties off.
Who knows, maybe he meant it. But if he did, I still don’t like the shaming for you not missing him. I do just what you did.
Hit em with a stank face andSay “no you didn’t” or “what exactly did you miss?”. How you gonna miss someone you barely know? *smh* Reeks ofweakgame.PS also can’t stand being questioned and the constant begging. “why didn’t you miss me?” “Are you kicking me out?” Whining makes you so not hot.
THANK YOU!!!! And yes, I feel as it was an attempt to get to my love below as well. I feel like “Why did you have to ruin things?!!” And the fact that I asked him why/how does he miss me and he couldn’t answer, further solidified me being turned off by it.
Girl, I think I told him to stop being sensitive or something like that. He was too damn whiny for me. Telling me to take off my hood…I’m in my house!!! Leave me alone!!
think that dude was just throwing out a fishing line to see if you would bite…. went for a line that was too powerful. Probably should have kept it with ‘been thinking about you.’ You gotta know your prey. Anyway who borrows Troy? Seriously. In 2012? Sunday night?
Only two episodes left of GOT, shouldn’t even have let him in the apt, just open the door and throw it at him during the boring John Snow story line.
LMAO!!!! You’re a fool!!!!
There is nothing wrong with you honey. After one encounter, saying I miss you is a bit much, and as you and Star said, he couldn’t tell you what he missed or why he missed you, I mean, it seems like it wasn’t sincere. I feel that way about pet names. If we’ve had one date and I’m already your boo, baby, sweetie, pump your brakes. Let’s try and remember each others last names first and then take it from there. Your feelings are your own, and you don’t have to explain them to anyone.